SRE FAQs for parents
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What is SRE?
Does my child have to take part in these lessons?
How can I help my child at home?
Who is responsible for the content of the lessons?
Can I see the school’s policy on SRE?
I have read that teaching children about sex just encourages them to experiment more.
Our faith means that there are aspects of SRE we do not agree with, how can we tackle this issue without withdrawing our child from the lessons?
I do not think that my children have any SRE at school. Can I complain to anyone?
Is the school allowed to give contraceptives to pupils without parent’s knowledge?
Is it true that children of any age can get free condoms from Brook and Connexions?
I read in the paper recently about a 14 year old girl who was taken to a clinic for an abortion without her parent’s prior knowledge. Is this legal?
How can I prevent this happening to my own daughter?
My 14-year-old daughter went to a party with her 16-year-old boyfriend. She got drunk and they had sex. I want the boy prosecuted what action could I take?
I found a packet of condoms in my 15year old son’s bedroom. I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend. Should I tackle him about this?
I am a single parent with a teenage son. I’ve tried talking to him about sex but he just gets embarrassed and walks away. What can I do?
Why is it that some areas of Cornwall have a higher rate of unwanted teenage pregnancy?
Where can I find some useful facts about sexual health so that I can stay informed as a parent?
What is SRE?
It is lifelong learning about physical, moral and emotional development. It is about the understanding of the importance of marriage for family life, stable and loving relationships, respect, love and care. It is also about the teaching of sex, sexuality, and sexual health. It is not about the promotion of sexual orientation or sexual activity – this would be inappropriate teaching. (DfEE Guidance 0116/2000)
Does my child have to take part in these lessons?
It is necessary for schools to support the work of parents in this area of development. In science some factual aspects of SRE have to be taught, but this is not sufficient if the learning outcomes set out by QCA are to be met. Parents do have the right to withdraw children from SRE lessons (but this does NOT apply to science lessons which all children must attend).
How can I help my child at home?
Research has shown that most children want to talk about relationships and sex with their parents. They are especially interested in discussing the emotional aspects of relationships where there can be a great deal of confusion. It is important that you share your own views and values with them.
You child’s school may be happy to provide you with resources to assist you in discussing these topics at home.
The important thing is to be prepared to listen to your child, to try to understand their confusion and to be armed with the factual information as necessary.
There are some excellent websites including the DfES:
www.dfes.gov.uk
Who is responsible for the content of the lessons?
In most schools there is an appropriately trained member of staff who has responsibility for writing the schemes of work and lesson outlines. They must be written within the guidelines of the school policy.
There is every possibility that pupils will also have some kind of input into the nature of the SRE lessons in order that they can take some ownership of these lessons.
Can I see the school’s policy on SRE?
Yes, all parents should be made aware of the school policy and lesson content in SRE. Parent representatives should form part of the policy group.
I have read that teaching children about sex just encourages them to experiment more.
In fact the evidence shows just the opposite. Where SRE is not talked about at all in a safe environment children are much more likely to be influenced by the media or their peers, given misinformation and take risks. It is important to know that schools are not promoting teenage/ underage sex but should be aiming to help children raise their self esteem in order to be in a position to make safe, informed choices. It is important that children are made aware of the facts in order to be able to do this.
Popular newspapers tend to make an issue out of anything that can be considered contentious, but the same paper will publish articles appearing to promote the very behaviour it has just condemned!
Our faith means that there are aspects of SRE we do not agree with. How can we tackle this issue without withdrawing our child from the lessons?
When writing the SRE policy, schools must take into account the different faiths of the pupils they are teaching and be sensitive to the issues that may arise. The whole school ethos should be reflected in the SRE lessons. There is an emphasis on delaying first sex and of being in a stable, loving and preferably married relationship before having intercourse. It is important that before making a decision about withdrawing a pupil from SRE lesson you are fully aware of the SRE curriculum in your school and that you will be happy to give your own child the information they will need in order to be safe.
I do not think that my children have any SRE at school. Can I complain to anyone?
In primary schools head teachers and governors are responsible for deciding whether to provide SRE beyond the statutory requirements of the science programmes of study. They should also decide how it should be provided and what should be included.
In secondary schools head teachers and governors are required to provide a full programme of sex and relationship education to all pupils enrolled at the school to ensure that the needs and concerns of their pupils are met appropriately. (QCA website for PSHE).
If you are certain that your child is not receiving a satisfactory programme of SRE you are advised to contact the Head teacher or parent governors at the school.
Is the school allowed to give contraceptives to pupils without parent’s knowledge?
Teachers are not allowed to give advice on contraception to individual pupils. They can teach about the different methods, how they work and discuss some of the ethical issues associated with contraception. A pupil wanting advice will be referred to a school health visitor or other health professional. If the teacher suspects abuse the matter will be passed to the school child protection officer for further investigation.
Is it true that children of any age can get free condoms from Brook and Connexions?
This is true. It is important that young people who are thinking about having a sexual relationship are aware of where they can go in order to access free, confidential services. The law is clear that the age of consent is 16 for all. Youngsters who are under 16 will be given guidance and professionals will want to ensure that they are not being coerced into sexual activity. If someone has sex with a child under the age of 12 years they are automatically convicted for rape.
I read in the paper recently about a 14 year old girl who was taken to a clinic for an abortion without her parent’s prior knowledge. Is this legal?
If a girl makes a decision to have an abortion and visits a doctor or a health worker she will be fully encouraged to involve her parents in order that they may provide the necessary support. However there are circumstances in which a girl may not want her parents involved. It is important that in these rare circumstances the girl is given the right to have a termination if it what she really wishes. Professional counselling is also available.
How can I prevent this happening to my own daughter?
It has been proven that where children can talk openly about relationships and sex at home:
- There is a delay in first sexual experience
- There are fewer unplanned teenage pregnancies
If your child/ren can have an honest, open discussion at home they will be less likely to be afraid of discussing issues such as feelings, abortion, contraception etc.
Problems arise usually when there is a lack of discussion because parents are too embarrassed or have a very one-sided viewpoint.
My 14-year-old daughter went to a party with her 16-year-old boyfriend. She got drunk and they had sex. I want the boy prosecuted what action could I take?
There has been a great deal in the media of late concerning drunkenness and the link to rape. A fourteen-year-old girl is obviously not able to technically give her consent. The questions you should be asking as a parent are:
- Should I have allowed my 14 year old daughter to go to that party in the first place?
- Have I chatted to my son/ daughter about the dangers of alcohol?
The boy in this case has committed an offence and could, with enough evidence, be prosecuted for rape.
I found a packet of condoms in my 15 year old son’s bedroom. I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend. Should I tackle him about this?
Maybe he hasn’t got a girlfriend – yet! He may have bought them when out with his mates as a macho statement. Maybe he is curious to try putting one on – a good idea really.
This could be a good opportunity to have a useful discussion at home about relationships. Start it off as a joke though – the last thing you want to do is embarrass him to death! You could remind him that the age of consent is 16 and more importantly talk about the need to be in a caring, loving relationship with someone. He may not want to talk but he will probably be grateful for your input. If it turns out he has got a girlfriend then it is even more important that you have this chat.
I am a single parent with a teenage son. I’ve tried talking to him about sex but he just gets embarrassed and walks away. What can I do?
This can be a normal reaction for boys and girls. Try to find a trigger for a discussion rather than a ‘birds and bees’ session.
It may be a soap you watch together e.g.: Hollyoaks. Maybe he has girlie posters/ magazines in his room – this can be a focus for discussion around issues such as female exploitation, body image etc. He probably knows all the technical aspects about sex; it will be the emotional stuff he will have problems with, as there are so many confusing messages to handle from his friends, the media, family etc. He really will value your support eventually.
Why is it that some areas of Cornwall have a higher rate of unwanted teenage pregnancy?
There are a number of reasons:
The socio- economic background can have an influence i.e. where there is a high rate of unemployment and bleak prospects for the future a baby may seem like a way out.
Little in the way of parental guidance: if a young person witnesses his/her own parents in a series of relationships they may follow suite. These parents may be less willing to talk to their child(ren) at home, leaving it all to the schools or to chance!
Some schools do not give sufficient time to good quality SRE in the classroom.
There is an undisputed and growing link between unplanned pregnancy and alcohol and substance misuse. Therefore children need to be informed about these dangers too.
Where can I find some useful facts about sexual health so that I can stay informed as a parent?
There are some excellent websites, which have up to the minute information:
www.likeitis.org
www.wiredforhealth.gov.uk/
www.brook.org.uk/content/
